Men: listen up. If you’re not collecting social security, you shouldn’t be showing your unruly nose or ear hairs off to the world.

You should also know that those little AA-battery operated trimmers from the Sharper Image (and all similar competitors) are total garbage. Yes, it’s true my fellow geek, electrically powered tools have failed you.

Here to pick up the slack is the Platinum XL Nose & Hair Trimmer from Groom Mate. This thing is so old school even John McCain would know how to use it: insert and twist. That’s it. There’s no motor, no battery, and no light. Just a solidly machined piece of metal with some sharp blades that you manually operate and that cut through hair like a hot knife through butta.

The best part: it’s under $20 including shipping from Amazon and includes a lifetime warranty. It also has glowing customer reviews (not just from me!) and the warranty is apparently legit and completely no hassle.